I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
