Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
