i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
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My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
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There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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