I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
