his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
