There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
