I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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