Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
