I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
