make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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