How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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