Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
