So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
