I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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