k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
BRING THE BAGELS
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
