doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
