Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
