Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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