I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
