and you said cock pushups were impossible
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize