We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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