I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
