nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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