Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
