Do you still have your period?
wanna go halves on a baby?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
