Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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