my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
