Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
