mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
