I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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