i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
