I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
