Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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