I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
