dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
