i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
