"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
