she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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