why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
