found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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