Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
