I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
