Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
