My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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