It was confusing and full of hummus
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
