he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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