ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
