just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
