I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
