porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
be right there i have to get my cape
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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