going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
