I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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