She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
