Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize