Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
