your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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