Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My balls are so social today.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
