I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
