Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
