Your mouth is God's brothel.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
