This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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