Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
