You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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