We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
