I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
