So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
