new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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