tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
