My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
