I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
