I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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