a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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