I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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