he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
