I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
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Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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