epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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