It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
