you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
