hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
