Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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