but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
