i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize