watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
