you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
