Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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